Hayley at Hogwarts
by PaganPancakes
Summary: A sequel to the what was hopefully comedic story Hayley in Gnomeland, Hayley and Awesome Person are Teachers? But wait... they're the same age as their students. Who cares? Obviously not Hayley. Enjoy what is hopefully a funny, and very awesome story.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Sorry it has taken so long, but it is finally here... the sequel to Hayley in Gnomeland! But, this one is for Harry Potter! Thus be named, Hayley at Hogwarts! (Oh. Yes) And we still have our old narrator, we tried to assassinate him 4,675 times, but he's harder to kill than Hitler was... if Hitler is dead 0.o so... yup. (No I'm pretty sure he's dead) Oh and read my House of Night Carnival, you don't really even have to read the books, but I rely on reviews for that one, so... you know?

Narrator: I hate this job!

Hayley: I know right. So, Awesome person, where is Darth Hippie? She was supposed to be here.

Awesome: She's building her Death Pad.

Hayley: Ah.

Narrator: What the?

Awesome: You wouldn't understand!

Narrator: I should! Moving on... Hayley and Awesome Person get on a train, to go to Hogwarts, even though they are older than 11, they are going there, and starting off as teachers, even though they aren't even 15. I feel bad for the students... oh well.

Hayley: Here we are, gotta go set up my class, Gnomes 101.

Awesome: I have to go and stare at peoples beards.

Hayley: See ya!

Narrator: And so they went.. wait? What kind of teacher stares at... never mind.

Awesome: That's never YOU mind.

Narrator: Shut up.

Hayley: So class, you have been taught that gnomes are garden pests, and that they look like this (Holds up a picture of a creature resembling a peanut)

Harry (as in Potta!): Yeah, aren't they?

Hayley: Nope. (Removes top hat to reveal gnome hat) I am a gnome lord, so I know what I'm talking about here.

Malfoy: So, you're a pest.

Hayley: I should let you know gnome lords have powers, and that I am a pants gnome and will try to steal pants... but anyways. (Shoots Malfoy in the head with a plastic gnome)

Malfoy: My father will here about this!

Hayley: You're whiny. And I'm the same age as you, funnay. Now, shut your butts because poop doesn't smell like a a bushel of squirrels you know?

Hermione: What are you talking about?

Hayley: I don't know. So first off, how can you tell a real gnome from a fake gnome?

Ron: They're short?

Hayley: Yes... good ginger. YOU HAVE NO SOUL! It's okay, I don't judge, too much. Well, they have beards and hats as well, most live in gnome holes and I will be digging mine her shortly, most connect to a certain place to get to another, that only the chosen can know about. Meaning you are a gnome or you are supposed to be. Don't try digging one yourself, for to go to the place, you have to be or have the acceptance of a gnome. Also, people describe gnomes as eccentric.

C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG! Hehehe, Sponge the Bob.

Class: What?

Hayley: You're all uncultured. Oh that reminds me! My friend Awesome Person is teaching American Etiquette/ Lack there of! Yay!

Class: Great.

Hayley: Guess what?

Luna: What?

Hayley: I defeated the Pink Queen with gnomes, animals, Awesome Person, and Darth Hippie!

Harry: Crazy.

Hayley: You can ask Dumbledoors actually, it's how I got the job.

Malfoy: Then where's Darth Hippie?

Hayley: Building a Death Pad.

Hermione: What now?

Hayley: Hmmm, work on your essays! Which is to draw a gnome! The real kind. (30 minutes later) Goodbye!

Neville: There's still 20 minutes of class.

Hayley: Well, then, let's... play darts.

Hermione: Shall I conjure a dart board and darts?

Hayley: I got the darts.

Hermione: Okay. (Conjures dart board)

Hayley: (Walks over to dart board and shoots out gnomes to use, then they all play darts- except Malfoy of course- until the end of class) Goodbye. I only have one class a day, so whatever! Gotta build my gnome hole!

Narrator: Second class...

Awesome: Okay class, you were all just in Gnomes 101, correct?

Class: Yes.

Awesome: All I have to do is make you watch American telivsion! Yesness! After watching this, read these. (Throws some books at the peoples heads).

Hermione: House of Night?

Awesome: Vampires.

Ron: Oh, creepy.

Awesome: That's why you're getting these, actually, although I'd never make you read it, there's a book series- Twilight- about vampires who sparkle. (Shudders)

Cedric: What?

Awesome: You're in the wro- holy crap. It's Edward Cullen. DIE!

Edward/ Cedric: I've been discovered! (Runs away from Awesome Person who is chasing him with a brick)

Narrator: Then things get worse for Edward, because Hayley was strolling by.

Hayley: Oh crapola to the tenth power! KILL IT!

Snape: What is going on?

Hayley and Awesome: He's a sparkly homosexual vampire.

Snape: What?

Hayley: Go and buy the movie Twilight. It's him.

Snape: All right, but detention.

Awesome: We're teachers.

Snape: Sorry Ceric.

Edward: Nooo! Professor Snape! Help!

Hayley: Shut up! We are calling Buffy.

Awesome: (Calls Buffy) WE FINALLY GOT HIM! Yeah. Uh huh. Uh huh. Can your hear me me now? Okay. Bye. (Hangs up) She'll be here in 10 minutes, she's nearby.

Edward: There's no reception here!

Hayley: There is when you use AT&T or GT&T.

Edward: What?

Awesome: Awesome Telephone & Telegraph.

Hayley: Gnomes Telephone & Telegraph.

Edward: Oka-. Oh sh**.

Buffy: Die! (Stakes Edward)

Team Edward Tards: Nooo!

Hayley: He was gay, you realize that, right?

Team Edwards: He was? Pshh TEAM JACOB!

Awesome: So easily persuaded.

Buffy: Goodbye.

Hayley: Bye. I gots to dig me gnome hole now. HEADMASTER DumbleDOOR!

Albus: Yes?

Hayley: Where Is my gnome hole going?

Albus: Right over there. (Points next to Hagrid's House, and Awesome Palace is right next to it!)

Hayley: Awesome. (Does a headstand and drills into the earth with gnome the gnome hat upon her head)

A/N: So, is it living up to your expectations so far? If you haven't read Hayley in Gnomeland, this will make so much more sense, and review, on this ones.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So, here is chapter 2. Give book suggestions for the next installment in the 'Hayley' series (don't really have a name for it), theses things are usually short, but bear, bare? With me? I like bear. I want a bear... like a Grizzly bear, that will rip peoples faces off, but not mine... yeah.

Hayley: It is complete! (Looks at the wall with a gnome on it, but it's really the portal to the gnomeport)

(Booms from outside) 

Harry: Son of a bi***, it's Voldemort!

Awesome: And he teamed up with the gay vampires!

Hayley:Crap! (Climbs out of gnomehole and activates gnome powers) Bring it baldy!

Voldemort: What the f*** are you supposed to be?

Hayley: Hehehe. SUCK MY GNOME HATS! (Shoots out gnomes and biting gnomes like machine guns, epicly knocking down wizards from the sky).

Voldemort: What is this magic?

Malfoy (Lucius): She's a GnomeLord!

Voldemort: As long as she's not a pan- (Looks down to see his pants have been swiped) Great.

Hayley: BURN the EVIL PANTS! (Throws Voldemorts pants in the fire)

Voldemort: Wait, I don't even wear pants!

Narrator: I know how you feel.

Hayley: Unleash the Awesome! And shut up Narrator, all you do Is talk!

Narrator: Really?

Hayley: Awesome Person!

Awesome: Will do! (Awesome rays come out of Awesome's eyes, making everyone else blind)

Voldemort: Go to the gnome hole!

Hayley: F*** you will! (Gets to the gnomehole at the same time)

Voldemort: Avada K-

Hayley: Screw you! ( Takes wand and breaks)

Voldemort: Dammit! (Flies to go steal a wand)

Hayley: I need back up! (Opens portal too the gnomeport, when You Sometimes Wonder If His Nose Is Hidden And If It's a Horcrux flew in)

Voldemort: Mwahah-

Hayley: That laugh is over done.

Voldemort: I am going to take over GnomeLand! (Flies in portal)

Hayley: Crepes! Awesome, call Darth Hippie. We're going back to GnomeLand.

Awesome: (Pulls out cellular device) No problem.

A/N: Short chapter! Action Chapter! Sorry! But I had to get to the point! No Nose is trying to take over GnomeLand! Nooo! WHAT EVER WILL WE DO? It's up to Awesome Person, Hayley, and Darth Hippie now!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hi. Bye.

Hayley: NOW TO STOP NO NOSE!

Darth Hippie: Oh yes.

(Everyone goes through the portal)

Darth: There he is! Voldemort, I am your father.

Voldemort: Really?

Darth: No. It was in my contract to say that. Didn't you kill your father?

Voldemort: Hmm. Point taken. (Tries to stab Darth)

Hayley: GNOME POWER! (Shoots gnomes at Voldemort) Get him gnomes!

(All the gnomes tackle Voldemort)

Voldemort: NO! Wait, your story is over.

Hayley: Almost. These are quick things They do NOT last long!

Voldemort: 3 chapters?

Hayley: That's what the last one was. (Stabs Voldemort)

Narrator: It's over. Yup. THANK GOODNESS! I'M FREE!

Author: I'm thinking about another one.

Narrator: NOOOOOOOO!

A/N: Done. Over. Yup. Already. SHORT. Deal.


End file.
